Freedom and Obstacles in the Chart

Session 1 — June 21, 1995

Obstacles are not facts or people, but what we invest in them. Death itself, for example, is not an obstacle, but what we invest in death, the concepts we attach to it.

The Need for Validation

One of the biggest obstacles is the need for validation, and everything else stems from it, thus hindering freedom. I need validation because I do not accept myself as I am. I have a feeling of inferiority, as Atlas said, I feel inferior to certain norms, certain standards, certain "shoulds." Subsequently, we saw how the need for validation is created.

The Feeling of Inferiority

When we are born, our bodies are smaller than the people around us, and they are also smaller compared to the objects around us, such as a table. When we are young, babies, we make comparisons, but we do so because the environment has taught us to. This creates the feeling of inferiority that we have about ourselves. Later, parents and teachers at school do not tell us that we are beautiful and good as we are, so the feeling of inferiority is further reinforced.

However, people are different from each other, and it is not possible to compare ourselves to a "should" or a model, and models do not resemble any person. When a model of the ideal student was created, it was concluded from the characteristics of many children from various groups, but the model did not resemble any of the students; that is, the model was not there.

Since freedom is the pre-programmed development of ourselves, the need for validation puts us in behavioral processes, work production, lifestyle, diet, etc., that serve the "shoulds" with the ultimate goal of validation. For example, I need sleep, but I will not sleep, or I will sleep for a continuous 6 hours and work for a continuous 18 hours without a break, because I must be productive, more productive, and even more productive, because through this, I will receive validation. I should cook vegetables and eat them, but I don't have time, so I grab a sandwich again, and this happens yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and next week, and I eat the wrong things, sleep the wrong way, work too much, or sit for many hours at work, or I do the same movements repeatedly and do not take care to develop my entire body with the appropriate movement, and so on.

K.F. So, what you are saying is another element that the need for validation, to reach that point, creates and generates many obstacles, all obstacles from fear. When do we feel fear? Jealousy, hatred, everything else, desire, are born from there... from the feeling of inferiority and the need to be validated. All obstacles are born from here. That is where we are at the base that generates all the obstacles for freedom, for the development of a person.

K.F. And why do all these things hinder the development of a person? Student: Because the person deviates from the program, the model, the natural life. K.F. That is correct. Student: The internal, normal unfolding and imposes on itself another way of development outside of its programming. K.F. The model is different and very different from the pre-programmed model. All models, that is, we all have a need for validation. As soon as we feel inferior, immediately, if you observe, from the observation, as we have said, and we will take the observation again, look at the thing blankly and passively. You will see that immediately, there is a model - we are not the model - the attempt to reach the model - the difficulty of reaching the model - and immediately we fall into the trap.

The Model Trap

So there's a tendency underneath. I'm constantly looking to find, outside of what I am, a model that I should be. Throughout our lives, from morning to night, we do this. We are always looking for something, a model that is outside of what we are and to which we should aspire and resemble. Constantly. So, I'm sitting alone and reading, let's say "wow, I wish I could read faster." I think - "oh, if I had the ability to reason in such a way." Then I take a piece of paper over there - "oh, if I could also read German." What does all this mean? It means... Student - it means I'm not enough. F. I'm not enough. Math. Let me say the opposite of what is, which is the same thing. I read and say - "see, there's a spelling mistake here, it hasn't been corrected." Here there's a grammatical mistake, here the word isn't the most appropriate. I know it better. - Bravo. It's the same thing. F. E, of course.

But what interests me now, so that we can, on the other hand, overcome the obstacles one by one, is that the source, the basic thing of all the obstacles of human development and therefore of the design - the pre-natal design - which is freedom, which is becoming - the becoming. So? Is that I feel that I'm not enough. That I'm inferior. And we say inferior, because Adler used it in psychology, that I'm inferior. Everywhere there's a feeling that I'm inferior, in everything. In everything, in my hair, it would be better if it was like this, in my eyes, it would be better if it was like this, in everything, in everything. We are, therefore, immersed in a feeling that we always feel inadequate. And even when we feel adequate somewhere, we feel so inadequate in everything else that even that positive feeling is lost.

As soon as we feel inadequate, we automatically know that we are functioning. With a mental construct that is a "must" with an "is" which I ignore, I don't know, because

So, there is a model that I will try to reach, and then there is what I am, which is not enough, and therefore all the struggle to be able to become the model, within that struggle, this struggle with the need for reward appears. Which is the basic obstacle and the basic characteristic of the human being of the West. He has a need to be rewarded constantly. His family, his man, his woman, his child, his boss, his minister, everything.

If we don't overcome this and we study this in the next lessons - we will see how fear comes out of it. If I know that I can no longer reach the model, then I start to be afraid. And if I don't like you, I won't see you as a competitive element, a competitive element against me, that I must like. We all, without exception, meet a person, and our thought is: will I like him? Will I be enough? Will he say that I'm good? Everyone does this, without exception. The first person we meet, we look at - we talk to the driver of the car or the bus, we say a few words and we look - did he like us? Everyone does this. Because that's what we think is life.

We need it so much. - You said it so beautifully! So it was, let's say - I don't know - like shouting on the rooftops. But that's life. If I don't have that, what will I do? Because think about where we've gotten. To define, to know life with all this struggle, to become, to follow the models. To become better than what we are, because we are not enough, and that is life. That's not life, kids. That's death. You die constantly. When we reject ourselves, we have died. Every time we reject ourselves, and we compare ourselves to a model and we don't find ourselves capable, we die a piece, we die a piece, and finally we have become corpses that are walking around and desperately looking for, what model is it and who is this who will tell us what to do.

And we immediately look for the minister who will tell us what to do, the father who will tell us what to do, the boss who will tell us what to do. And the employees who are looking for a boss to tell them what to do, are the worst employees, kids, they are not the best employees as we think. The children who are waiting for their father to tell them what to do, are the worst children, they are not the best children. The spouses, who one is waiting for the other to tell him what to do, are the worst spouses, they are not the best spouses. Because they are all angry inside! And why are they angry? Because they have rejected themselves and they believe that they are not worth it. And they try with a struggle to cover it up - all of us - by dressing well, acting well, by having a good salary, by having a good job, by having a good circle, by eating well, by having a car. You know what all that is? It's makeup.....

Superiority as a Mask

When we develop, when we discuss inferiority, we'll see that the other side of the coin, which is superiority, is exactly the same. It's a cover for an inferiority that is felt and that we try - how do they say it - to cover up ourselves.

Session 2 — June 28, 1995

In the way I usually introduce the various issues that concern us and that we work on, I have subtly introduced the issue of the need for reward, which we saw on the road and now we must understand that it is the major problem that the human being of Western culture has. The need for reward, the need for recognition from others, from models outside of oneself that do not represent or meet one's own needs.

We defined freedom as the pre-programmed programming, as it has been gradually created within the evolution of humanity, of the human species, and has been formed today as a system of tendencies that demands things from us, demands, requires us to do something, to become something, to desire something, to execute something, it is all demands, it is all requests, which is the system of pre-programmed programming that we inherit from our parents and that is within our genes, and the system of epigenetic programming that we acquire through the experiences of our lives, of each individual, and which are also recorded in a part of the brain here that is virgin from recordings.

Therefore, we are like having two brains, as in dinosaurs, one old brain, and in the history of the evolution of humanity, we have a first old brain, a middle brain, and a new brain. Let's move on more broadly.

The Two Brains

We have the old brain, which is the programming of the evolution of the species, and the new brain, which is gradually created by the experiences of each of us. The issue is very simple. You see that we are between two brains, between two recordings, we all live between two recordings, but because we do not have knowledge of biology, nor do we have awareness of what is happening within us, we project it as a psychosocial issue, and we say that it is what our tradition demands of us, the old ones, our parents, the wise people who have passed through the earth and have left their legacies written in our culture, in documents, that is what we call history, they have left us written texts, written texts.

On the other hand, we say that it is the requirement, the individual, my own, personal desire to live in a certain way, and that this model does not allow it, so essentially the same thing is repeated, whether we have an old brain that is programmed and knows what it wants, and it takes care of me to grow well, and when I follow it, I am free, or a new brain, which is what we record here in the lobes, which, if it does not agree with the old one, is constantly in conflict with each other, and they fight a lifetime to see who will prevail over the other, and of course, in such a struggle, no one prevails over anyone else, because the one who loses is the human being who contains these two brains. It is he who is ultimately lost, because he is lost in the struggle between one brain and the other.

Individual vs. Cultural Model

From a purely psychosocial point of view, we say that it is a model, a model that belongs to tradition, that belongs to what I am, that is, I am Greek, Christian, the fact that I am Greek already has 1000 recordings, the fact that I am Christian has another 1000 recordings, the fact that I was born in the last century, in the 1950s, 60s, 70s, 30s, 40s, has another 1000 recordings, then the tradition to which I belong, the habits to which I belong, the laws that are made based on the customs that govern a people. All of this constitutes a set that proposes a model of human being, a model of life to live, and on the other hand, this is what I myself have created from the day I grew up within my family, then within my school, within my workplace, my friends, my loves, my romances, and which in some way differs from the other model, the cultural model. I have my personal model and the cultural model, and I am torn between these two models, between these two brains, I am torn between two other concepts that we have created, the group and the individual.

I am who I want to be, I am the individual. From my experiences, I want to be this way, behave this way, live this life. On the other hand, there's the group, the tradition, the old brain, which tells me I shouldn't be this way and I should live differently. And I'm torn between these two. A fundamental aspect of these two tendencies, these two systems of tendencies, is that it makes all of our lives, without exception, a battle, a tyranny where there shouldn't be a battle, a tyranny that should be joy, satisfaction, happiness. We haven't seen much of that, neither have I, nor you, nor anyone I've ever met. And that's the issue.

So, what happens in this game? In this game, what happens is that I have an image of myself, of the life I want to live, of who I think I am. The tragedy, you see, is that this image is the "is" and the "should be." It's the individual "is" and the social "should be," the programmed "is" and the "should be." And I think I know who I am and I try to live according to that, while at the same time, I'm pulled and drawn towards what I "should" be. My father told me I should be this way, my teacher told me I should be this way, my minister told me I should be this way. The habits, the habits, tell me I should be this way. For example, I want to get married in a completely personal way, but the habits say I should get married this way, dress this way, act this way, have relationships this way, have a house, the social model versus the individual model.

While we feel like we're fighting between two models, the individual and the social, the personal and the cultural, we don't actually know what we want. We're so confused in this conflict that we don't really know what we want, and what we think we want, and what we think we are, is nothing more than a reflection of what we "should" be. The "is," the model of "is," is a reflection, it's like looking in a mirror, a mirror that shows the image of what "should" be, and it's a reflection, and we don't know what we want. This, again, we'll see, through the group and the individual, which are two units, two concepts that clash, and we'll see what the relationship is between one unit and the other, how the conflict happens, and how we can get out of the conflict, in the same way that we said we can get out of the other.

The issue remains the same: we all, each and every one of you, me, everyone, we all need someone to tell us "well done," we need someone to give us validation, to tell us that we're good kids. When we don't get that, we don't function, we don't work. We get angry, we give up, we become rebellious, and often we destroy ourselves and are destroyed.

Recognition in Daily Life

All the phenomena, like drug addiction, crime, all the phenomena of suicide, now we see why those children committed suicide, why, with the entrance exams, because the social model, the cultural model, tells them they have to succeed within the conditions offered by the state, which are conditions of cruelty.

The Consequences

It's not allowed to go through so many exams in a lifetime. A sacred examination. It's not allowed to go through so many exams that are very similar to a court of sacred examination. It's anything but what could be proposed for a normal development of a human being. This examination starts when we're young, in the cradle, with our parents and teachers, it continues with society, and now these children have to take exams under unacceptable conditions, which everyone thinks are okay, and we're proud of, and ministers come out from time to time to justify it, because it's very natural to take exams to get into university, which university? Which damn university? We tyrannize the children, we tyrannize them before they even get in, and then when they get in, after they've gone through their whole lives. It's not allowed. And the children what do they do? They commit suicide. So, those children committed suicide, and so on. We say a few prayers over there to get rid of our responsibility, and we're quiet. And we've lost some lives, from some children, because? Because they thought that with the results they got, they weren't capable of having the acceptance and recognition that we're talking about. When I failed nine subjects, what kind of acceptance would I get from my parents, from my family, from society, etc. We're constantly taking exams.

The Adversarial System

Because within a society, that is, the legal profession, the courts, the entire justice system, within the cultural system, it represents the essence of our social being and our culture, it's constant competition, to prove that you are wrong, while you try to prove that I am wrong. And that is the system, the "adversarial" system. It's our whole society, but the legal profession shows it very clearly, very clearly. When I was young, studying law, I said, "Why does the state allow it? For someone who has committed a crime, committed an offense, and what does the state do? It allows people to be their lawyers and try to prove that they are innocent, while at the same time, it has the right to create another group, which will be those who will try to prove that they are guilty.

The issue behind this is again the same: the need for validation and the need for acceptance.

The Need for Recognition

When a criminal, because what interested me was criminology above all else, is tried, he feels that he is so convinced of the system of acceptance that, when he is convicted, he feels that he has been freed from the work he was doing, as if he had been given forgiveness, absolution. Because, because the father, who is the Court, the Judges, the whole system did its job and punished him. And automatically, through the punishment, he feels that he has been relieved of the act he committed. Of course, the result is that absolutely nothing is achieved. Because he goes to jail, he returns, and he is worse afterwards. You know these issues.

The Root: Inferiority

So, the whole problem is the need for recognition and confirmation. It would be good to present some cases, the scenario around the need for recognition and confirmation. That is, in which areas do they have the greatest need for recognition and confirmation, e.g. in the love, family, work, social, friendly, metaphysical areas, in which area do they need it? Many people do what they want in their lives, but they need confirmation in the religious or metaphysical area. They go to bed, pray to God, tell him what they did, hear that he forgives them, that everything is fine, etc., and they return and the next day they do the same. It is a need, unfortunately, we even use God and the church for the same reason, to get recognition. And we say "You who understand me why I did these things, give me forgiveness, etc., and from tomorrow I will start again from the beginning." It is the need for recognition. The same thing that I could ask from my father, I could ask from my mother, from my husband, from my wife, from society, from anyone. The whole system is organized around the function and the need for recognition.

In which area? Which area of your life does this recognition appear most strongly? Secondly, how does it appear? And how do you think it is shaped within it, because there is always a conflict between what is and what should be. What I think is and what I think should be. How does what is and what should be appear? This has always been created by our relationships with our parents. Which of our parents created this need for reward or recognition? One of us asked, in the specific area, to behave as we should, and not as we want. And that parent is responsible for the need for recognition, as it appears to me in my life at this moment.

Today, the parent no longer exists, he is gone, I have created a personal life, today I ask for recognition from whom? Who has replaced my father or my mother who created the need for recognition? And from whom do I ask for it today? From my husband? From my boss? From my wife? From my child? From society? From someone I ask for recognition. From a group? I ask for recognition. And you know what we do, our struggle is to show proof that we are worthy of recognition. Proof. Look, I did this too. Admit that I am okay. I did this too, tell me that I am a good child. I did that too, tell me that I am a good child. And we die in this.

So, from whom do we ask it? How do we ask it, how do we ask for the reward? We ask it sweetly, softly, with what scenario, what ingenuity, what have we done to be able to achieve recognition? We are aggressive, soft, sweet, sad, we get sick? How do we do it to achieve recognition?

Because we don't want to. It is very simple. We don't want to. When we have the reward, how do we live it, and when we don't have it, how far can we go, how angry do we get? And what are the derivatives of the negative emotions that come from the lack of reward, when we don't have it? And, of course, how will we overcome it.

All this, in essence, is based on the feeling of inferiority. We all feel that we are not enough. No one among us, neither outside, nor here, nor anywhere else in the Western world, feels that they are enough as they are, that they are good as they are, and that they need nothing else to function well. We all think that we are inadequate. And from the inadequacy, which is the feeling of inferiority, we feel that we are inferior, we want to become superior. To become superior, we strive all our lives to do things that others ask of us, to be the good children. In that, when we succeed, even when we succeed in doing it and become the model of the good child, we get confused, because we don't understand why we are not okay, since we succeeded. When, on the other hand, we fail, and that is the drama, we create disasters. And for the success